When the term “performative” comes to mind, everyone who is active on the Internet can think of the same thing. A male drinking matcha, reading feminist literature, wired earbuds blasting jazz and indie artists like Laufey and Clairo, with a collection of environment-friendly tote bags from the nearest grocery store. Individuals like these are the mere personification of how humans seek validation from others around them, putting on a mask to flaunt, merely for others to judge and assess.
The word “performative” has a definition of an action done with the pure intent of impressing others around them, attempting to improve their own public image. The same adjective which describes the males who sneak around Barnes and Nobles to please others, wanting to show how they “aren’t like other guys”. They have the urge to read Sylvia Plath and read poetry, go to art museums to appreciate and understand the deeper meaning behind different pieces, collect trinkets instead of doing whatever other guys their age do, because they want you to believe that they care. They use the weakness they observe from other peers their age and use that to their advantage, manipulating their own image to show how they are “better” when in fact, it’s all for show.
Though the term “performative” doesn’t just affect the male population of the Laufey-listening matcha drinkers, but everyone as a whole. Hundreds of other people, especially on social media, fake their whole personality just for the few seconds of receiving dopamine when they see that their latest video got viral. The same videos that show clips of them doing pilates, a candid picture of them reading a book at the beach, or a motivational quote they found on the depths of Pinterest. This can draw the conclusion that “performative” people can often be categorized as people pleasers.
The term “people pleaser” is someone who often puts the needs and approval of others over their own, resulting in unhealthy personal health. The urge to feel validated by others by faking and masking their whole image swallows us whole, left with nothing but hollowness and emptiness whenever we aren’t being fed with likes and comments. In result “the constant pleasing of others can become an addictive behavior that makes them feel needed and useful, and thus their only way of achieving validation,” (Barna 9).
Humans have a natural instinct to please others around them. This contributes to their need for social belonging and safety. A mere original joke from yourself and earning a few laughs, or getting complimented on a new top you just bought can boost your ego, high. But having the constant need to show and document how genuine and amazing your own personality is, is not taking care of yourself, but more putting yourself even further down a few levels when it comes to mindset and wellbeing. Some steps that you can take to help this bad habit are: taking some time to think, to not make assumptions, prioritize the things important to you, and know that “No matter what you do or how hard you try, you cannot please everyone,” (Barna 30). Rewiring your brain like this could be tricky at first, but habits fade away eventually if you really put your brain into it.