As time passes, culture evolves as people do. A new trend has recently emerged on multiple social media platforms: “hear me out“ cakes. What are these cakes and why is everyone suddenly so obsessed with making, posting, and debating about them?

A “hear me out” cake is predicated on the idea of a “hear me out”: someone (usually a fictional character) that isn’t conventionally attractive, but that you still find attractive. When the trend initially arose, common choices from women included the fox from Zootopia and Neville from the Harry Potter franchise. However, as the trend went on, the “hear me outs” became more and more strange and less and less understandable, with some women citing R.F.K. (the 64th U.S. attorney general, whose son is currently working as part of the Trump Administration), scare actors dressed up as killer clowns or slashers, and some women even going as far as to cite ChatGPT. 

With this wide array of increasingly weird answers flooding in, one is left questioning about what these answers really mean more broadly in today’s culture. Of course, some may dismiss this trend as simply a funny way for people to attempt to go viral or share some time with friends, but the seeming virality of these cakes calls into question what exactly the cultural basis is for them. 

Some online are starting to ridicule answers that stray from the norm like the ones listed above, but they represent an important cultural shift. With less conventional answers popping up more and more often, women are beginning to more earnestly defend their choices, arguing that even though their choice might not look attractive, they are still considerate and put in effort to achieve a stable relationship. For example, one woman defending her choice of a fictional stalker as a “hear me out” pointed out how in her mind, the stalker would have to put effort into finding her and following her, rivaled by the non-existent efforts seen from other real romantic partners in life. 

Indeed, most “hear me outs” that involve morally darker characters center on the fact that they provide attention, and put effort into the relationship, even if they’re not conventionally attractive, or even human. With this in mind, perhaps a broader cultural conversation is relevant about the diminishing effort men put into romantic relationships, and women’s refusal to excessively lower their standards. 

As more and more women enter into seemingly perfect relationships with subpar men, a conversation arises around what constitutes a “good” partner in modern times. Does a good partner split the chores regardless of the working arrangement between the two parties? Or does he split the chores according to finances? These and other conversations all encapsulate the debates that arise today as increasing numbers of women find themselves lost navigating the expectations and ideals they’re told to adopt in the modern day. Raw, honest conversations can often be hard to have when discussing one’s individual standards, especially if they go against the grain of what is deemed acceptable today.

Combating the narrative about the current state of male-female relationships pushed by trends like “hear me out” cakes is a tough task, calling for consistent, committed effort from both romantic parties. But, hear me out, perhaps that’s exactly what this generation needs.